My Personal Journey
Hitting Rock Bottom
I know how difficult it is to put down the drink or drug. I attempted to manage my addictions for 13 years. I tried a number of rediculous methods to attempt to control my using. None of it worked! On two occasions 9 years apart I found myself in police custody, and under the influence of a variety of substances.
Freedom From Depression
Deep in active addiction, I hated myself and simply wanted to die. I was participating in outpatient required by the courts, and going to a few 12 step meetings. I was empty and dead inside. When I began to detox from the drugs and alcohol, my depression plunged dangerously low. The Universe intervened just in time and I was admitted to the hospital. This saved my life.
A Second Lease on Life
The only thing I knew when I got out was that I didn't want to die. I was still empty and needed something that made life worth staying clean and sober for. I resumed outpatient and returned to the 12 step meeting that I had been to for the past couple months. I was welcomed with open arms. I was absolutely desperate for connection and this is what I now refer to my "gift of desperation" that allowed me to receive the acceptance I felt.
I had found a like-minded group where I felt like I belonged. This was the first club that I felt like I thoroughly fit in. These people understood the way I think and had thoughts just as crazy sounding as me! I had found my home. I now fondly look back on that desperation and realize what a gift that was. It allowed me to surrender; to stop fighting and just receive love and support. This community loved me until I could learn to love myself.
A New Way to Live
I accumulated some clean time and began doing some work to clean up the wreckage I caused in active addiction. I had to dig deep to find the truth about myself. I am a very sensitive person and I had been acting out of fear. I found some compassion for myself. Around this time is when something inside clicked and I began believing that it was possibly for me to STAY clean and sober, and find a new way to live!
I continued to show up for life and follow the next indicated step. I was practicing trusting in a power greater than myself. This allowed me to be open to paying attention to subtle hints from the Universe. I was provided the opportunity to work with an energy healer. I began a whole new level of healing.
Meant to Serve
Shortly into this new healing journey, I had an “aha” moment when I realized that this is the way I am meant to serve other people. I had been in the social services profession since I graduated from college where I studied multi-cultural counseling and psychology. The variety of professional “helping” positions I've held combined with my personal experience in transforming my life has prepared me for this work.
A Call Must Be Answered
Realizing my purpose wasn't just as easy as that. I had to do more healing work to be able to accept and believe in this new direction for my life. I had to say, “Yes,” to the Universe, and practice faith. I answer this calling everyday that I continue to heal and grow and share this opportunity with others.